"I asked the Magic Turd if I should take a chance on 'GTL CASH' and it said 'SURE AS SHIT' so I did and now I'm making BIG MONEY online!"
-- Sandy W., Oakland, CA
"I couldn't decide which tie to wear to my job interview. I asked the Magic Turd if I should wear the red one, he said 'FUCK NO.' I asked if I should wear the blue one and he said 'ABSO-FRIGGIN LUTELY' So I did and I got the job!"
-- David P., Chilhowee, TN
"I wasn't sure about asking my co-worker Molly out on a date last weekend -- you know what they say about dating people you work with... So I asked the Magic Turd and he said, 'FUCK YEAH!' Not only did we have a great time, but I got laid! Thank you, Magic Turd!!" -- John D., Charlotte, NC
"I didn't know if it was safe to order food from the Chinese restaurant across the street from my hotel, so I asked the Magic Turd, and he twice told me 'SMELLS LIKE NO.' I ordered pizza instead and it was delicious!" -- Shirley L., Columbus, OH
"Heidi Montag kept asking the Magic Turd if she should get more plastic surgery and he kept saying 'FUCK NO!' Unfortunately, she didn't listen to the omnipotent Magic Turd and now look at her. I heard the same thing happened to Bruce Jenner!" -- Anonymous, Hollywood, CA
"As President, I face critical decisions every day -- decisions that affect the well-being of Americans now and for generations to come -- and for those decisions I've made that you've been happy with, I had first consulted the Magic Turd." -- President Barack Obama, Washington, DC
"Long live Magic Turd! Loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo!" -- Anonymous Iraqi user
"I didn't know what mesothelioma was, so I asked the Magic Turd if I should look it up in a dictionary. He replied, 'WHAT DO YOU THINK?' So I looked it up and now I know what it is." -- Johnny C. Dallas, TX
"Shit, I shoulda axed the Magic Turd if shit was cool BEFORE I bought dat vial of crack. Instead I axed the Magic 8-Ball n now I'm servin hard time in the Pen n my ass is hurtin!" -- DJ Dirty Q-Tip, Chino, CA
Send your praise for the Magic Turd to: info@magicturd.com
DISCLAIMER: MagicTurd.com is for informatonal and entertainment purposes only. The Magic Turd should not be relied upon for legal or medical advice. If you are dumb enough to base your important life decisions on what the Magic Turd has to say then please keep in mind that only positive outcomes should be attributed to its advice. Any negative outcomes are you're own stupid fault for listening to a "Magic Turd" in the first place -- tough shit.
